JDIFF09: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT TIME TRAVEL

Three friends meet in a pub (two geeks and one non-geek, the geeks being led by Chris O'Dowd) and stumble across a rift in time which happens to be occupying the gents' toilet. Hilarity and sci-fi shenanigans ensue.

Or so you'd think. Despite the occasional funny gag, laugh-out-loud moments are thin on the ground and for a comedy it's not that funny. Since the comedy is its primary purpose that's not good and the prospect of scoring a few extra points with decent sci-fi action never happens since it descends into the usual time travel questions and the effects are seriously hampered by the limited budget. This is a British film after all.

You could still scrape by in a film like this if you had the right chemistry but sadly it isn't to be. The three leads don't ever feel like three guys who hang out regularly and as lovely as Anna Faris is, she never feels like anything other than the token American guest star.

All in all a missed opportunity.

A drunken happening

Okay, I've been too lazy to write anything for a few days, so why not get someone else to do it for me?

A while back, I made a comment about M. Night Shyamalan's film THE HAPPENING in an email to a friend of mine. Alas, when he decided to respond to my email he'd just got back from a night out and was rather drunk.

That didn't stop him typing at length however, and one paragraph in particular filled me with such delight that I just had to reprint it here (yes, I did get his permission... once he'd sobered up). It's like gonzo journalism for the blogging age.

I should also state that I in no way condone the excessive use of alcohol, whether in pursuit of blogging greatness or not.

Anyway, here's that review, reprinted in its entirety, without any editing from me - because the crazy typing is where its drunken charm lies, really.

The Happening was a pile of shite, and i cant believ i actuakly wasted time watching it! Mark Whalberg, what was hw doing? Cause it wasnt acting!!! "I'm talking to a plastic plant! I'm still doing it!" WTF????? I didnt even enjoy it on a it's so bad its good kind og
f level. One of the worst films ever! M Night Symamthingy should justr give up now!!!

Brilliant. In the same email he did also write Firslty, Ghostbusters II is great! It's almost as good as the first one. It was on chanel 5 last weekend. You've just got t love the Statue of liberty 'higher and higher' bit, which is one of cinema's greatest ever moments!!! so make up your own mind as to whether that makes his opinion more or less valuable.

For what it's worth, I do recommend watching THE HAPPENING, precisely because it is so mind-bendingly awful that it is outrageously enjoyable. Evidently my drunken friend disagrees.

Best of 2008 (10-6)

Ooooh, we're in the top ten now. Are you getting excited yet?

10 WALL-E
See, every so often I do like a nice little family film, even if it is one set in a barren post-apocalyptic wasteland.

9 HUNGER
Breathtakingly arty take on the Irish hunger strikes, centred around Michael Fassbender's towering performance as Bobby Sands.

8 THE KING OF KONG
David versus Goliath tale of a quiet, unassuming family man on a quixotic quest to overthrow the villainous leader who rules over all. Despite the fact that it's a documentary about people playing arcade games.

7 TIME CRIMES
Mind-bending Spanish sci-fi horror in which a man witnesses a crime being committed... by himself. Then it gets really weird.

6 MAN ON WIRE
James Marsh's critically acclaimed documentary/heist movie about the artistic crime of the century (a high wire walk between the twin towers of the WTC) is simply stunning. It should win the Oscar this year too.

Best of 2008 (15-11)

15 THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Daniel Day Lewis deserved his Oscar for a terrific performance, although it perhaps overshadowed what was an overall triumph of filmmaking.

14 CLOVERFIELD
Or, GODZILLA with a handycam. There are certain lapses of logic but most only become obvious when you stop to think about it - which, during this rollercoaster ride, you're not likely to do too often.

13 NOT QUITE HOLLYWOOD
Brilliant documentary about the world of Australian cult cinema.

12 A BLOODY CANVAS
Fascinating documentary about an incredible boxing match that took place on St Patrick's Day in Dublin during the Irish civil war.

11 PASSAGE
The accepted history of the discovery of the North West Passage gets a good kicking in this inventive and sadly under-seen documentary which I saw at Hot Docs but which also got aired on BBC Scotland.

TARANTULA (1955)

There's always a risk when watching classic monster movies and B-pictures that they won't be as good as you remember when you first saw them as a kid; or that somehow their reputation has grown from other people's memories of it and watching it for the first time will only be a disappointment. Frequently you just discover how dull these movies actually are.

Not so with TARANTULA, which delivers everything its title promises. This one had managed to pass me by until recently - despite a childhood spent watching such films on TV, I was usually limited to the four terrestrial channels rather than the TV overload we have now - and I did go in expecting another film made up of 90% scientists talking and 10% badly dated spider effects.

The film throws us into the action straight away with the delightful sight of a mutated man dying in the desert, before the opening titles have even rolled. Yes!

I don't need to rehash the story since the title and the fact that it was made in the fifties tells you all you need to know. Scientific experiments, giant spider, etc. The mutated humans are a bonus and Bud Westmore's make-up is okay, but the real star is the tarantula itself. Even today the effects are surprisingly good - THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN is perhaps the only other film of the era which has effects that are still this good.

Of course there are still some dated elements, such as the prediction that by the year 2000 the world's population could be as much as 3 billion. If only. Still, there are times when the of-another-time feel generates a good laugh. Wonderful dialogue includes the line "Give women the vote and what do you get? Lady scientists!" Try keeping as straight a face as he does when he says it.

Of course the ending is the usual wholesale destruction although this time with the novelty of the armed forces actually doing something effective rather than failing miserably before the heroic scientist figures it all out. It does raise the question however of why explosives and missiles fail to take out the creature when napalm ends up doing just fine.

That's just me being too cynical though. This movie is splendid fun and one of the best of the fifties monster movies if you're planning to revisit the era of abnormally large wildlife.

SATURN 3 (1980)

The film opens in outer space... a loud orchestra bursts into life... a gigantic spaceship drifts into the screen above our heads...

No prizes for guessing where the sci-fi horror SATURN 3 took its inspiration. The aim seems to have been to create a claustrophobic horror-thriller but within a STAR WARS-style setting. That might sound like a nutty thing to do and to be honest it's a pretty nutty film. I'd call it a failure but that would be to gloss over how much fun there is to be had watching this turkey.

Firstly the visuals... despite being made three years after George Lucas's groundbreaking sci-fi event, SATURN 3 somehow manages to look much, much cheaper whether it be the flimsy spaceships, the second-rate set design or the futuristic settings that look like LOGAN'S RUN might have done if it had run out of money half-way through. That comparison is only compounded by the presence of LOGAN'S RUN's support player Farrah Fawcett in the female lead role.

There are really only three principle cast members to speak of. Fawcett is accompanied by Kirk Douglas, who somehow manages to be not just her work colleague but also her lover, despite looking more like her dad. They're joined in their solitary, isolated Saturn base by a newcomer, Harvey Keitel.

Keitel is equally aghast at the sight of Fawcett and Douglas being an item, and decides to move in on her. Unfortunately he's also moving in on the work they're doing too. And he's a psycho. And he talks like a robotic William Shatner. And he has a killer robot with him.

The combination of half-finished STAR WARS knock-off material and brightly-lit LOGAN'S RUN sets certainly lend the film an interesting look, which is helped by the accompanying electronic score (just like LOGAN'S RUN again!) but now we have the added fun of a totally insane robo-Shatner as well.

So that's the set-up - Fawcett hangs around looking pretty, Douglas runs around with mad staring eyes and Keitel tries to kill them both with a mental and stupid looking robot. The fact that it's poorly written, shot and edited or that the enticing electronic score is used entirely inappropriately can't completely stop it being fun. In fact, if anything, it just makes it more of an enjoyable experience, particularly since the premise seems mainly to be "let's make it look like STAR WARS, but with nudity and violence". It's ironic that this makes it more adult and yet more juvenile at the same time.

So it may have failed to make the same impact as Lucas's baby, but look at it this way. STAR WARS gave us crap TV spin-offs and ATTACK OF THE CLONES; SATURN 3 has severed body parts and a naked Farrah Fawcett.

So which one is really the more important movie?

SOUTHLAND TALES (2006)

When I first heard about Richard Kelly's follow-up to cult sleeper hit DONNIE DARKO, I wondered if he was taking the piss. Not so much the story - which, when you look at it closely, is actually very similar to DONNIE DARKO - but rather the casting choices.

Arguably the biggest name in the movie is Sarah Michelle Gellar, an actress who achieved fame in a popular television series but has done little of note since (we all know why people remember CRUEL INTENTIONS, don't we?).

Added to the cast list alongside he we have mediocre pop stars turned bad actors Mandy Moore and Justin Timberlake (the latter also providing the voiceover which, I confess, I thought was actually a woman until Timberlake showed his face).

Then we get Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, a former wrestler who acts every bit as badly as you'd expect him to, and he's in pretty much the lead role.

There's also Sean William Scott, the man who was, is and forever shall be Stiffler from the AMERICAN PIE movies. THUMBSUCKER's Lou Taylor Pucci turns up as a young draft dodger who says "dawg" to everyone a lot. And how about Christopher Lambert, who starred in the HIGHLANDER films before churning out a living from straight to video turkeys? Still not selling it to you? Okay, throw in a couple of cameos from directors Eli Roth and Kevin Smith just to amuse those in the know, and garnish it with Miranda BLACKADDER Richardson sitting at a desk for the whole film and a supporting role from the wee woman with the high pitched voice from POLTERGEIST.

That latter one's particularly ironic given that I'll always associate her with the words "step into the light" - something that anyone viewing this in the dark of their local cinema probably couldn't wait to do.

So, I ask again, was Richard Kelly taking the piss?

I've just watched the film and I still don't know. The story, what I could piece together of it, is as follows: in 2005, America came under nuclear attack. It's now 2008. America are still at war in Iraq; a police officer is searching for his twin brother; a star of adult movies has her own TV show; there's an election coming; sod it, I can't be bothered. There's lot of stuff happening, which may or may not be related to each other.

What unfolds (or rather entangles) is a mess of a movie which actually proves it's possible to have too many ideas. The stories are all over the place but seem to be tied together in some way that eludes me. Kelly appears to have enjoyed the combination in DONNIE DARKO of crazy physics, weird people, odd dialogue and kooky music so much that he's essentially just done the same thing again but on a grander scale and with a bigger budget. Will this film, which also tanked, gain the same kind of cult following?

I doubt it. DONNIE DARKO at least concentrated, more or less, on one story rather than a huge number of stories all fighting for prominence. It also created a coherent mood and atmosphere so that you were in no doubt that you were watching a serious, if odd, sci-fi drama. SOUTHLAND TALES on the other hand is wilfully weird far too often and the combination of ludicrous scenes and bad acting just leaves you wondering, as I already stated, if it's taking the piss. Is the film a sci-fi drama or a comedy? I genuinely have no idea, but lines like "the soul of a monkey can't survive the dimensional threshold" really don't help.

The film has some redeeming features - the opening scene is terrific, there are some nice visuals courtesy of the increased budget and most of the score is terrifically evocative. Sadly, pretty much everything else is way off the mark. Sure, Kelly has obviously made a film that's exceptionally ambitious but then again, climbing Mount Everest on a spacehopper is also exceptionally ambitious but that doesn't mean it's a good idea.

I'd love to know what sort of film the cast of this turkey thought they were making. Maybe once they've figured it out they can tell the rest of us.

Best of 2007 - the top five!

Just time to finish this off before I disappear for a couple of days...

If you've been reading my blog carefully and for long enough, you'll already know what my favourite two movies of 2007 were. But here's the top five anyway...


5. THIS IS ENGLAND
Shane Meadows follows up the brilliant Dead Man's Shoes with this equally brilliant tale of an English youth who loses his dad in the Falklands war and falls in with a gang of skinheads in Thatcher's Britain.


4. SUNSHINE
This spectacular space adventure from Danny Boyle would probably have featured even higher were it not for a slightly flawed ending, but it's still one of my favourites for the year.

3. AWAY FROM HER
Gordon Pinsent and Julie Christie are both superb as a couple whose marriage is torn apart by premature senility in this incredible directing debut from indie favourite actress Sarah Polley.

2. PLEASE VOTE FOR ME
This documentary charts how a group of Chinese children learning about democracy turn into a bunch of savage political backstabbers with hilarious results.

1. ONCE
Plain and simple love story with great music, a lovely setting (Dublin, for once looking like the magical city it is, rather than a haven for gangsters and junkies) and characters that you can't help but warm to. Low on budget, high on charm.

Cirio H. Santiago

While the movie world was still mourning the passing of Paul Newman (and rightly so, he was a fine actor and a decent guy) another movie legend of an entirely different sort shuffled off this mortal coil with slightly less attention in the mainstream media. He was, however, still exceptionally successful in his own way and was probably a much larger influence on my movie watching habits than most Hollywood legends I could think of.

Filipino filmmaker Cirio H. Santiago was a purveyor of cheap, shameless, trashy exploitation films of the finest kind. While working with many people (including the legendary Roger Corman) and in many genres, he created a seemingly endless catalogue of cheap films that always put fun ahead of everything else, including credibility and coherence in a lot of cases. However, what he deserves special mention for, in my book at least, is his contribution to the world of post-apocalyptic movies, specifically the MAD MAX 2 rip-offs that filled the shelves of your local video rental stores in the early 80s.

Churning out a number of these films, often shamelessly re-using footage from his other films, he supplied the lucky viewer with a healthy dose of violence, nudity and abandoned quarries dressed up to look like post-nuclear landscapes. Sure, he contributed a lot to the Filipino film industry too, but to me he's just Mr Post-Apocalyptic. Plenty of directors entered this genre in the late 70s and early 80s but I don't think anyone put their mark on it quite as much as Mr Santiago.

I've mentioned this story before, but when I was a youngster with an interest in post-apocalyptic movies (albeit of a more mainstream variety) I found myself in a closing-down video rental shop in Harrogate in the north of England. Despite the fact that there were barely a dozen tapes left in the entire shop, I still bought a couple, including Santiago's WHEELS OF FIRE. Sure, I was clearly too young to be watching it (one of the stills on the back cover was of a helpless blonde with breasts exposed, tied to the bonnet of a souped up car), but it was post-apocalyptic so I had to have it.

My eyes were opened to a world of cinematic pleasure. While I was familiar with the films that were being ripped off, I had no idea that such rip-offs existed, especially not in such numbers. This was the film that turned me on to the cheap MAD MAX 2 rip-off post-apocalyptic movie, a very particular kind of movie (usually made by Filipinos or Italians) that I have since spent my life collecting old VHS tapes of.

It has become an obsession, but one that has brought me no end of exploitation movie joy - and for that, I have to thank Cirio H. Santiago, the Filipino master of post-apocalyptic cinema. May he rest in peace.

Tellingly, several other blogs that I read regularly have also reported on his passing, so click on these links to read about Santiago at Video Watchblog, Johnny LaRue's Crane Shot, Quiet Earth and Post-Apocalypse. And if you're still hungry for more, go and search blogs via Google for the last week or so and marvel at his influence.

At some point in the near future I'll have to dig out my old tapes and do a proper tribute, but in the meantime, the Freakpit salutes Cirio H. Santiago.

Galway 2008: last of the Irish features

ALARM is a contemporary Irish thriller which sees a young lady (Ruth Bradley) buy her dream home in an out-of-town housing development outside Dublin. Unfortunately for her, she's still haunted by a break-in incident in her past - a situation not helped when even in her new home it appears that a burglar has a grudge against her.

In the film's favour, it does have something to say about the sterility of these out-of-town housing developments, the streets populated by commuting business high-flyers who don't speak to their neighbours, whole estates of characterless communities which serve little purpose except somewhere for people to sleep in between trips to the big city.

Sadly, it fails in most other areas. Below par acting, an air of unintended silliness to the script and some really unsympathetic characters (the boyfriend's supposed to be some kind of enigma - he's not, he's just bland)... it just doesn't work. It's a thriller with very few thrills. Bradley's lovely, I'll give you that, but I'm afraid I was expecting a little more than eye candy. I didn't get it though.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't also disappointed by SUMMER OF THE FLYING SAUCER too. A totally redundant intro scene featuring a cameo by Patrick Bergin tells us we're about to witness a story of growing up in the 60s. That's what we get right enough, but sadly it's a story populated with drippy teens, boring aliens and stereotypical supporting characters. No cliche is left unturned as two aliens (crashlanded in Ireland) unite with the hippy outcast to try and escape from the unwelcoming village community.

None of the cast shine particularly, and to be honest the most interesting observation on that front came when I spotted Lalor Roddy in a minor role. I don't believe I've ever seen any other screen work by him but he was in THIS PIECE OF EARTH at last year's Edinburgh Fringe, the single best piece of theatre I've ever seen.

The film will probably win over younger viewers and perhaps charm a few older ones who are familiar with the Irish setting, the 60s fashions or both. However, it's not a great film and is unlikely to be revisited by me. I gather it has secured an Irish cinema release this month though, so fair play to it and I wish it all the best - but I believe that 32A has also secured a release in Ireland too so if you want some Irish family entertainment, probably best to check that one instead. Actually, if you're Irish, you should see them both, if only to support your local film industry.

The last of the Irish feature films I saw was a big improvement. Again, it's a cast of mainly youngsters and again it's set in the recent past. This time however the movie, PEACEFIRE, deals with a bunch of dropout kids coping (or not) with the troubles in Northern Ireland. When one of them (SONG FOR A RAGGY BOY's John Travers) is offered the opportunity to turn tout for the Brits against the IRA (neither side being particularly friendly toward him), a world of trouble is visited upon him. Well acted, this compelling, gritty story is a triumph and a delightful end to my spate of Irish films from the Fleadh.

I'm not finished with Galway yet though - there are still a bunch of short films I saw there, plus another Irish film that I happened to see there outside of the Fleadh. So more is to come!

EIFF2008 - the last few films

Yes I know it finished several weeks ago, but here's the rest of my EIFF round up anyway. Let's be honest, if you read this regularly you expect me to be late anyway and if you don't read it regularly, well, you're probably about to leave to go and read more interesting blogs anyway. My write-up of the Galway Film Fleadh might appear sometime within a month too, who knows.

The last day of the EIFF, when they show lots of extra screenings under the banner "Best of the Fest" gave me the opportunity to catch a few more films before it all comes to a close.

BETTER THINGS has received a lot of good press and some attention at other festivals (it played Cannes too). On the plus side, it's well put together and it's British. On the downside - everything else. Some old people sit about looking at each other; some young people take drugs and get angry; lots of stuff happens to a bunch of uninteresting people in really uninteresting ways. I'm not wasting any more bandwith talking about it. TURD.

MISS PETTIGREW LIVES FOR A DAY sees Frances McDormand conning her way into the life of famous movie star Amy Adams in England during WWII. Hilarious hi-jinks, melodrama and romance ensue. At the risk of sounding sexist, it's a woman's film. On the plus side though, it's an enjoyable woman's film, like the ones Hollywood used to make a long, long time ago - you know, the ones that starred Carole Lombard and people like that. McDormand and Adams are both terrific and ample support is provided by the likes of Ciarin Hinds and Shirley Henderson. An endearing throwback to the golden age of movies.

Earth is a post-apocalyptic wasteland where a lone figure prowls, speaking hardly a word but trying to make the world a better place. Nope, it's not a new MAD MAX film, it's Pixar's latest effort, WALL-E. Believe everything you've read - it's bloody brilliant. Despite the rather dark concept, it's still unrivalled family entertainment that will have kids and adults alike laughing and falling in love with a rusty little robot who doesn't even have a proper face. See it now.

A FILM WITH ME IN IT is an Irish comedy in which two layabouts with movie ambitions attempt to make a film but struggle with the script. However, they're then involved in a serious of unbelievable mishaps that might just provide them with inspiration. Dylan Moran and Mark Doherty star, providing plenty of laughs through both their own comic talent and the ludicrous, though very dark, twists that fate has in store for them. A dark comedy indeed.

By this time, the festival was pretty much over and as most people are away home it's a little bit depressing. It gets even more depressing however if you go and see a film like CRACK WILLOW.

Every so often I see a film at a festival that makes me wonder if the programmers are taking the piss. This is it. A fat man from Yorkshire talks to his dad, eats some chips, urinates in the bath. Weirdness suddenly happens. Then it's back to that bloke again. It's tosh of the worst kind and I am absolutely gobsmacked that it made it into the festival, far less got an extra screening. It's not even like BETTER THINGS, which was rubbish but beautifully shot. This is just a bloke with a camcorder eating some chips.

It's the kind of film that makes me wish I could travel back in time just to prevent cinema ever being invented. Avoid like the plague.

EIFF2008: Sleep Dealer

Mexican sci-fi isn't exactly a huge industry these days, but that hasn't stopped them trying. SLEEP DEALER offers a terrific concept in showing us a future where virtual reality networks allow Mexicans to work in the USA without having to cross the border. Unfortunately the execution isn't quite so terrific.

The characters are cardboard cut-outs, the acting second rate and the special effects rather cheap looking in many places. It's a shame but it ends up feeling like a wasted opporunity and resembles something that might have popped up as a made-for-TV effort on the Sci-Fi channel.

Nice try but no cigar, virtual or otherwise.

EIFF2008: Ray Harryhausen

The final "in person" event I attended was a delight, with the audience being treated to an interview with legendary effects pioneer Ray Harryhausen.

The interview took in his entire career and the odd aside too - being a Scot, I was particularly intrigued to hear of his contribution to Blantyre for a start.

A few guests popped up (including one of the original skeletons from the famous JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS scene) and much fun was had by all, particularly since the event ended up half an hour longer than it was supposed to be.

EIFF2008: Blood Car

The near future. Gas prices have increased so much that nobody drives anymore. One ecologically friendly and strictly vegan schoolteacher is trying to invent an engine that runs on wheatgrass when he makes a chilling discovery... a car that runs on human blood.

This film is as stupid as it sounds and more. Destined for cult status (appropriately enough given that it's in the new cult-ish "Under the Radar" section) it offers up all you can want in such a concept. By which I mean gruesome deaths, girls getting topless and dark, stupid humour.

The gore content isn't actually as high as you'd expect, probably through lack of budget more than anything else, but it more than makes up for it in its laugh-out-loud in-your-face attitude and anything-goes humour (not even kids or little puppies are safe).

Low in budget but high in charm, this might never see a cinema release but is ensured of its status as a Saturday-night-with-your-friends-round film for years to come.

A quick word for the short film that accompanied it - WEB SITE STORY. This is a musical about an online predator, set to the more famous songs from WEST SIDE STORY. If that sounds like bad taste, you're right. This is definitely not a film for readers of the Daily Mail. It's extremely funny however, and while short films don't exactly have much of a widespread outlet, check this one out if you get the chance.

EIFF2008: Trail of the Screaming Forehead

Larry Blamire's latest cult movie tribute to classic B-movies sees a race of alien foreheads invade Earth and enslave the population - but unknown to them, a leading scientist is currently investigating the mystical powers of the forehead and just might be the man to stop them...

If you're a fan of 50s B-movies involving rampaging monsters or alien invasions, this is a film for you. Blamire clearly loves the genre but has a great time mocking it for all it's worth. Some of the humour stems from quality slapstick but most comes from his curious slant on B-movie dialogue. You'd think it would get tired after an entire movie but the utterly straight delivery by the cast (including cameos from the likes of Kevin McCarthy) keep it fresh.

I'm not sure it would be as much fun on repeated viewings or on your own, but if you get the chance to see this one in a cinema or with a crowd of people you should easily get your money's worth from an hour and a half of lovable mayhem.

EIFF2008: Time Crimes

A man uncovers a crime that he himself may be about to commit. Sound weird? Good. This tremendously imaginitive Spanish thriller blends sci-fi and horror into a tense, exciting and totally mindbending time-travel thriller that you really, really want to be fully awake for. I really pity the folk who had to nip out from the screening to go to the toilet, as you really can't afford to miss a minute of this one.

A man stumbles across a crime; he is stabbed and chased by an unknown assailant, where upon he comes across a mysterious scientific establishment conducting weird experiments. And that's where the fun really starts.

For the first half of the film, events seem to be taking a pretty obvious and predictable route - the film however doesn't stop there, pulling the rug from under you with wild abandon and weaving an intelligent and complex tale that will drag you in and tie you in knots right up until the satisfying conclusion.

This is going to be a little more difficult to market than the rest of the Spanish horror output of late but if it does make it to a cinema near you, please support it. It's yet another of the highlights of the festival so far, and is sure to leave you with plenty to think about it while undoubtedly attaining cult classic status. It's been a long time since I left the cinema hearing so many people arguing about what just happened in the movie - make sure one of those voices is yours.

Current release: THE HAPPENING

I really liked M Night Shyamalan's first two films, THE SIXTH SENSE and UNBREAKABLE. I thought that his third, SIGNS was good too, despite my friend Zog assuring me that it was the worst film ever made. I didn't see his fourth (Shyamalan's, not Zog's), THE VILLAGE. His fifth, LADY IN THE WATER, was one of the worst films I've seen in recent years. Car crash stuff.

I tried not to be influenced by the fact that I saw his latest, ecological sci-fi horror THE HAPPENING, in a pretty packed screening which served to remind me why I don't like multiplex crowds, because that's not Mr Shyamalan's fault. Nevertheless, this is not a good film. It's certainly not an outright stinker either though. Well, it is. But it isn't. Hang on, let me start again.

Perhaps it's because of just how horrendously bad I thought LADY IN THE WATER was, but did find that THE HAPPENING was an okay way to spend 90 minutes. I'm not sure I needed to sit through an entire third of that in advertising mind you, but that's me back moaning about the multiplexes again.

Despite this, I still have to admit that huge parts of the film either made no sense or were just laugh-out-loud funny - and not in an intentional way. So why did I enjoy it?

While I rejoiced at the absence of MNS in front of the camera (he has previously insisted on giving himself roles in his movies despite the glaring problem of not actually being able to act or emote in any way), unfortunately it turns out not to have made a difference since pretty much the entire cast were unimpressive in this regard, with the two leads in particular failing to register on any level except a hilarious one. Zooey Deschanel is very pretty and all, but really... the cast in this film have NOTHING. Nothing to offer and nothing to work with.

They're not helped by the director's insistence on trying to infuse every line with added dramatic weight by having it delivered in slow motion, but I guess we all know that's par for the course in a Shyamalan film now though. If nothing else, he's given me a pointless new pastime of trying to visualise everyday situations as they might occur if I was in one of his movies.
"I'd... like... a bottle... of cola..."
"That'll be..."
"What is it?"
"That'll be... 79 pence."
"My god."
Cue heavy music to emphasise how dramatic and profound buying a bottle of cola is.
Etc.

For the most part, the director's actually managed to maintain a reasonable amount of atmosphere and tension despite the rather silly nature of it all, but every so often there's some daft moment to ruin it all. On more than one occasion I found myself briefly swaying towards "you know what, I actually think this is supposed to be comedy!" before realising that nope, it's just bad writing or acting or whatever.

In fact the more I think about it, the more I'm coming round to the whole so-bad-it's-good appraisal. I think that's why I enjoy it. Not in the same way as DOOMSDAY was - that I loved and would defend; this one however, I merely enjoyed a little but would have no trouble at all switching off its life support machine in the event that it was run over by a train.

At first I thought I'd never revisit this movie, but now I suspect it could be perfect Saturday night viewing with likeminded friends (the same method that actually made a re-watching of ATTACK OF THE CLONES as enjoyable as it should have been in the cinema).

This has turned into a rather incoherent and pointless ramble, so I guess what I'm trying to say is this: THE HAPPENING is a pile of garbage - but I suspect you might have fun watching it.

Current release: DOOMSDAY

This is one that I'd been waiting for a long time. Neil Marshall got good reviews with his first feature, the werewolf movie DOG SOLDIERS. I've still not seen it, but his second feature, THE DESCENT, was very enjoyable. His quest to lighten up the British film industry with decent genre movies continues now as he tries to create a balls-out high-octane post-apocalyptic action film.

He succeeds!

First, let's get the so-called negative stuff out the way. The vast majority of this film (in which Scotland is isolated following a plague, only for England to send a team in looking for survivors when a cure is needed south of the border) is derivative of a good many cult classics that came before it.

The first half of the film is basically ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, but with Scotland replacing NYC. The second half of the film is essentially MAD MAX 2, but with the Scottish border replacing the Australian outback. Along the way there's a hint of DAMNATION ALLEY, a sprinkling of MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME and it's all garnished with a bit of ALIENS.

In the lead role (Snake Plissken and Max Rockatansky rolled into one, but female - and rather sexy) we have Rhona Mitra. Yes, she was an original model for Tomb Raider; yes, she used to host the chart on Channel 5. But she makes a decent action heroine and is more pleasing on the eye than Kurt Russell or Mel Gibson (your mileage may vary). So that's good.

Kitted out in full Snake Plissken outfit, she even has an eyepatch, although hers has a neat twist. In fact, pretty much all the homages/thefts (however you want to see it) are given little twists by Marshall.

The recasting of Snake as a braw woman isn't the end of the Carpenter love-fest. Aside from taking much of the plot of ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, Marshall also uses the same font on screen as Carpenter did in one of his films that I can't remember (I think it was maybe THE THING) and also does a great job of mimicking Carpenter's early 80s soundtrack music too.

And if that wasn't enough for you, one of the characters is even named Carpenter (MAD MAX director George Miller gets a similar honour).

Talking of MAD MAX, much of the wardrobe comes from the MAD MAX films too. The vehicles and motorbikes are straight out of these films, but so are the leather trousers and punk outfits. I have no idea why George Miller thought that the collapse of society would lead to everyone becoming punk rockers, but it seems to have proved a popular choice for post-apocalyptic chic ever since.

While there are other nods to MAD MAX 2 in particular (especially a scene involving a crossbow and various car-related stunts) the one that I got the biggest kick out of was seeing a MAD MAX style car chase kick off only for the 80s nostalgia levels to be cranked up to 11 when the music kicked in... Two Tribes, by Frankie Goes to Hollywood! Genius. It has the best intro of any record in the history of music, and it's a perfect choice here.

One of the aspects of the film that gave me the biggest thrill was simply the fact that it was set (and at least partially filmed) in Scotland. I've grown up loving these post-apocalypse films from the 80s so to finally see one take place on my doorstep was amazing. The post-apocalyptic Glasgow was well realised (it looks like it does after a Rangers-Celtic derby, but with better clothes) and to see these post-nuclear punks riding around... well, it's like seeing the villains from MAD MAX 2 being played by someone from TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. Brilliant stuff.

One of the more accidental advantages of the film is the timing of its release. While I'm not suggesting for a minute that we all hate each other or are about to start any wars, I do think that, based purely on my own observations, relations between Scots and English are as strained as they have been in a long time. So the fact that we have a film where the English wall up the Scots and do battle with the survivors gains a political edge that it might not have had ten years ago. It's even got a miserable Scotsman taking over the PM job from an Englishman - remind you of anything?

Plenty of other ingredients are thrown in along the way - a brief appearance by Scottish actor Martin Compston is a surprise, some of the action manages to take place in a Scottish castle, Malcolm McDowell's in it, and they even manage to get a chase on steam train.

It looks like a checklist of everything an early 80s post-apocalyptic film could need and delivers in spades. What Quentin Tarantino did for martial arts and spaghetti westerns with KILL BILL, Marshall does here for the 80s apocalyptic genre. If you love the genre as much as I do (and I admit, few of you probably do) this is an absolute riot. If you don't... well, go and see it anyway. At the very least you're supporting a drive from British genre movies; at best, you might even enjoy it...

A special occasion

I never really got round to posting anything about Charlton Heston when he died recently, and I really should have. Perhaps one day soon I'll take the time to discuss just how many of my favourite films he's been in. On Saturday however I took the opportunity to attend a screening of The Greatest Film Ever Made (aka PLANET OF THE APES) which was showing at the Filmhouse as a tribute.

I've mentioned here before about this great film and how much I love it so I'm not going to rehash it all here. One of the things about this film though is that no matter how many times I watch it (and believe me, it's a lot) I still notice new details every time.

This viewing was no exception. Again I found myself noticing little details in the background (it certainly helps when you're watching it on a massive screen instead of your TV at home) but what struck me most this time was an element of the story.

A strength of PLANET OF THE APES, in my view, is that it has always evolved with the viewer. Kids can enjoy it for the action sci-fi romp that, for much of the film, it appears to be; but as you get older you notice more and more the political aspects of the film and how they engage with and reflect modern society.

This time what I noticed is how one aspect of the story has taken on a more relevant edge in modern times.

Looking at the situation today, particularly in America, where the religious right is gaining more power, not least because of the insane guy running the country, and the issue of evolution versus religion, faith versus science is as controversial as ever - to the point where there arguments about whether it should be taught in schools or not - you can't help but see a certain power and relevance in PLANET OF THE APES.

Cornelius (Roddy McDowall) advances a theory called evolution and it's branded heresy... the head honcho Doctor Zaius (Maurice Evans) is minister of science and chief defender of the faith, but claims there is no contradiction in the two... it's all a bit familiar. I'm sure that twenty years from now, we'll probably be reading even more into PLANET OF THE APES as it continues to evolve along with us. Assuming I'm allowed to use the word "evolve".

On the same day, I took in a screening, this time a tribute to Arthur C Clarke, of Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY.

It was showing from 70mm (a format that very few cinemas in the UK can show) and looked and sounded absolutely incredible. I have nothing more to add about the second best film of 1968 except that if you get the chance to see this from a decent print on the big screen and you ignore it, you're an idiot!

Just realised that this was my 200th post to the Freakpit. What better way to celebrate than with The Greatest Film Ever Made?

Final Cut (and final viewing)

Two posts in one night! Don't say I'm not good to you.

I went to see BLADE RUNNER: THE FINAL CUT at the weekend. If you're not familiar with it, it's Ridley Scott's final, final, final version (honest) of his iconic science-fiction movie. It's been given a clean-up, had a few things added or removed and this is now the alleged final version.

I should stress that it's a subtle effort. It's not like when George Lucas revisited the original STAR WARS trilogy, dug out the original negatives and then took a great big digitised dump over the whole lot of it, smearing his excrement in the faces of fans and kicking to death the childhood memories of a generation. There are no computer generated aliens suddenly appearing at inappropriate moments or anything like that.

Now I should also stress something else. I don't like BLADE RUNNER.

It's hailed as a classic, I know. And I'm a science fiction geek too. But I just don't like BLADE RUNNER. There's something I can't quite put my finger on. Perhaps its because everyone in the film is so emotionally distant. Yes, I know most of them are supposed to be replicants or whatever you want to call them, but it's like the film is going out of its way to be as unemotional as possible and I just don't like it. I don't mind people acting like gits for an entire film, but this is just dull.

There, I've said it. Let me say it again. I don't like BLADE RUNNER.

Worse still, I've given it a few chances. Because it is such an iconic and well respected film, and because I'm a big fan of science fiction movies, I keep thinking that maybe I've been too harsh. Every so often, I'll think "well, it's been a few years, maybe I'll appreciate it more now."

It never happens. Before the weekend, I'd watched it three times. The first time, I didn't like it. The second and third times, I thought I'd give it another go, watched it, thought it was rubbish, and then decided I'd been right all along and that I shouldn't bother watching it again.

I don't like BLADE RUNNER. Now that we're totally clear where I'm coming from, I should probably explain why I actually went to see it again.

There are some aspects of BLADE RUNNER that I like. Well, two.

First of all, the look of the film. It is an incredibly well realised vision of the future and for as much as I dislike the film, the opening vista is breathtaking.

Secondly, I love the music. Vangelis created a truly futuristic sound for this movie that has never dated.

Both of the above I decided were enough to merit seeing it again in the cinema. Add to this the fact that (a) it's the alleged "final cut"; (b) there was the novelty of it being shown for one week only at, as far as I know, only one cinema in Scotland (the Cameo - see link on the front page of this blog); and (c) the fact that not only was it cleaned up and enhanced, it was being digitally projected.

That last reason was important. Ever since I first saw a film digitally projected (see one of my earliest Freakpit entries) I've loved the format. Sure enough, it benefited this screening no end.

The opening scene as we see Los Angeles in the year 2019 was more breathtaking than ever and stands up as one of the most stunning things I've seen in a cinema. The detail on screen, the visual effects, the music - it was all incredible, and it's all thanks to a marvellous restoration job and the joys of digital projection. If you get the chance to see this on the big screen, I seriously urge you to take it. It will leave you absolutely speechless.

I still don't like the movie though.